How to Eliminate Self-centeredness in Marriage


Self-centeredness in Marriage


One problem that many couples face in marriage is self-centeredness.

I remember back in my twenties when I first got married, I thought my husband was supposed to give me everything I wanted and even more than what I wanted. I learned quickly that he had the same thought. Woohoo, right? Errrrk…except it wasn't that he was supposed to give me everything I wanted but the other way around, for me to give him everything he wanted.

èHave you experienced this, where you feel your spouse only thinks about themselves?

èAre things your way or the highway?

èAre things your spouse's way or the highway?

If you answered yes to any of those 3 questions, I'm here to offer you some little tips and advice.

1.      You're probably not getting everything you want – which is causing stress, right?

2.      You're probably not having everything your way – which is causing stress, right?

3.      If your spouse has everything his or her way, you're probably not a happy camper, am I right again?


What can you do?

Would you like to experience a marriage where your spouse does things for you?

            è Do more things for your spouse!

Would you like your spouse to do more activities with you?

            è Do more activities and things that interest your spouse!

Would you like for your spouse to do more things your way?

            è Do more things his/her way!


How simple is that!!!

Have you turned your marriage around by giving and doing more for your spouse? Why not share your success story by leaving a comment below?

7 Responses to How to Eliminate Self-centeredness in Marriage

  1. So simple…while dating selfishness can also be a problem.  Especially if one is not sure about the longevity of the relationship.  I found when I moved myself into a place a grateful from a place of "why isn't he…?", my relationship became more rewarding and I was able to let go of the petty things.
    Thanks for always sharing your insights…even the daters can learn from you and your blog.

    • Good point Jodi…being grateful instead of “why isn’t” is one of the keys to a long lasting relationship….married or not! We become happier people when we focus on the positive instead of the things not going “our” way! Your blog is an inspiration that I hope my followers will visit and also be encouraged to be happy! Thanks Jodi!!!

  2. Rhonda, great post, as always. In my experience, your advice is quite sound. However, if the other person doesn't seem to realize that you are doing this his way with the expectation that the favor will be returned, can be problematic. If you're not careful, you could end up lovingly doing what the other person wants all the time – making them happy – but not doing anything (or getting anything) you want in return. This is, perhaps, a special circumstance where the other person is just too self-centered and narcissistic to see what's going on, which is a different issue.
    I think being able to communicate the give-and-take also has to play a role in the dance of giving and receiving.
    As Jodi said above, even us daters can learn from your! Thank you!

    • Lis, I totally agree with you, if the other person doesn’t seem to realize to return the favor (which I call selfish) is a problem! What you are saying here is the EXACT reason my first 15 year relationship ended. I learned to deer hunt, dove hunt, fish, play poker, like football and nascar, with nothing….nothing that I like to do in return!

      I had a young man call me once for help in his marriage, when I asked him if he is willing to make changes (as what they are doing isn’t working too well for them) his answer was no!

      So for you daters…don’t marry the person that doesn’t want to participate in your interests even if you are learning and growing in their interests. If you take that one piece of advice, you just may not need me later down the road, or the divorce attorney either, :)

      Thanks Lis for pointing this out for other to consider!!!

  3. After reading this post and the following comments, I'm not sure whether to be hopeful or discouraged when it comes to my 19 year marriage and current separation.
    I totally understand the concept of doing things for your spouse and I believe that in the 21 years my husband and I have been together I have done that in so many ways with little or no appreciation. For example we moved 2,000 miles from my hometown for his job and more importantantly so he could be closer to his daughter from his first marriage. I too have learned to love football and sat alone many Friday and Sunday evenings while he picked up or dropped off his daughters for visits…etc.
    What started out as a beautiful relationship centered in Christ, with us has a couple, and then our children as priorities has became something very different. I have lost any standing in our family. His daughters "hate" me and he has lost all respect for me…(His words) From my view point, that comes from standing me taking a stand for me and our relationship when he failed to do so. Telling him that I did not feel important to him because he often chose to do things without me, things he wanted to do.
    I continue to pray that the Holy Spirit can move his heart to see that if we follow God's plan for our marriage it can be just as you describe and even better than it was in the beginning…but he is tired of "fighting", which I interpret to mean "working" at our marriage.
    Is there any hope for our marriage? What can I do as the wife that remains committed to her vows and sees the beauty in God's plan for our marriage, when my husband is so detached? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    • Hi Ruby! Thanks for your comments and questions. It is very hard to be happy and loving when a marriage is one sided, being that one always gives and supports and the other doesn’t return the same courtesy. I admire you for supporting and learning about your husband’s hobies! Good job!

      I’m curious why you don’t ride with your husband on Friday’s and Sunday’s? Has it always been common for the two of you to not do things together? What are your feelings about not riding with your husband?

      How long have you lived near his children? Is this when the problems started and the marriage begin to weaken?

      I admire you once again for standing up for your relationship and for sharing your feelings of hurt with him. Good job on both of those!

  4. I’m sorry this is happening and understand how frustrating this must be.

    I believe you will have to go into the post and remove the check mark yourself. I don’t find any way for me to do it for you. Thanks!

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