Abuse/Domestic Violence

Being a survivor of Domestic Violence myself, I know what it's like to be in this type of relationship and how hard it is to get out of. I know the fear you live in every day with an abuser. I am very familiar with the cycle of abuse and how an abuser thinks. As I have free'd myself from violence and helped other women get into safer living conditions, I am also available to help you escape your violence.

I have some safety tips you need to know if you are in this situation. Send me a private email at Rhonda@RhondaNeely.com. I'm here to help you, no matter what you've been through (not including sexual abuse). I've probably experienced it myself so there is nothing you can tell me that will shock me.

Abuse is a pattern of physical, sexual, economic, verbal, and/or emotional violence used to get control and maintain control over an intimate partner. Abuse can cause injury and even death. It is important to know that you do not deserve to be abused, nor are you responsible for the abuse. Below are some examples of types of abuse that are common.

Physical Abuse

Pushing, hitting, choking, kicking, biting, cutting, burning, spitting.
Holding you down or preventing you from leaving the room.
Throwing objects at you.
Threatening you with a weapon, including hands.
Locking you in or out of the house.
Abandoning you in dangerous places.
Preventing you from getting sleep or waking you up out of sleep.
Refusing help when you are sick, injured or pregnant.
Endangering you by driving wildly or recklessly.
Hitting objects near you.

Psychological Abuse

Ignoring your feelings.
Making fun of your beliefs.
Threatening to take your children.
Manipulating you with lies.
Degrading women as a group.
Calling you names like bitch, slut, whore, or cunt.
Telling you that you're stupid, dumb, fat, or ugly.
Refusing to take you places.
Isolating you from your friends and family.
Constantly criticizing you and the way you do things.
Making fun of your friends and family.
Taking away your car keys or money.
Threatening to leave you or making you leave.
Threatening to hurt your family.
Hurting your children when he was angry at you.
Won't let you talk.
Hurting pets and animals.
Correcting you as you talk.
Threatening to take your children if you leave.

Economic Abuse

Refusing to give you money for food or clothing.
Making you ask for money .
Forcing you to hand over money that you earn.
Making you spend all your own money while he doesn't spend his.
Refusing to support your children.
Not letting you have access to a checking account.
Not letting you be involved in making decisions about money.

Statistics

Every 9 seconds a woman is battered in the United States.
AMA, 1998, Georgia Department of Human Resources, 1999
Nearly 5.3 million intimate partner victimization occur each year among U.S. women ages 18 and older. This violence results in nearly 2 million injuries and nearly 1,300 deaths.
Center for Disease Control, 2003
Conservatively, each year 1 million women suffer nonfatal violence by an intimate.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey (NCJ-154348), August 1995, p.3.
Other estimates include 4 million women in the U.S. are battered each year.
American Psychl. Ass'n Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p.10.
One in four women experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, 2006.
On average, more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States.
Catalano, Shannan. 2007. Intimate Partner Violence in the United States. U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Women are 84 percent of spouse abuse victims and 86 percent of victims of abuse at the hands of a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Family Violence Statistics: Including Statistics on Strangers and Acquaintances. 2005. U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics

As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy.
Gazmarairian et al, 2000
Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former intimate, to 3.9 million women who are physically abused by their husbands or live-in partners per year.
U.S. Department of Justice, Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, March 1998: The Commonwealth Fund, First Comprehensive National Survey of American Women, July, 1993.
The U.S. Department of Justice reported that 37 percent of all women who sought care in hospital emergency rooms for violence-related injuries were injured by a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend.
Department of Justice, August 1997. Violence related Injuries Treated in Hospital Emergency Departments. Michael R. Rand. Bureau of Justice Statistics.
About four in ten female victims of intimate partner violence lived in households with children under age 12.
Reprinted and adapted from 'News Flash' (http://www.fvpf.org/newsflash), an online newsletter of the Family Violence Prevention Fund.
Forty percent of teenage girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
Children Now / Kaiser Permanente Poll, December 1995.
Studies of the Surgeon General's office reveal that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44, more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and cancer deaths combined. Other research has found that half of all women will experience some form of violence from their partners during marriage, and that more than one-third are battered repeatedly every year.
Journal of American Medical Association, 1990
…having a verbally abusive partner is a variable "most likely" to predict that a woman would be victimized by an intimate partner. These findings support the theory that violence perpetrated against women by intimates is often part of a systematic pattern of dominance and control.
Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence. Reprinted and adapted from 'News Flash'(http://www.fvpf.org/newsflash), an online newsletter of the Family Violence Prevention Fund.
Young women between the ages of 16-24 in dating relationships experience the highest rate of domestic violence and sexual assault.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence. May, 2000
An average of 28 percent of high school and college students experience dating violence at some point.
Brustin, S., Legal Response to Teen Dating Violence, Family Law Quarterly, vol. 29, no.2,331 (Summer 1995) (citing Levy, In Love & In Danger: a teen's guide to breaking free of an abusive relationship, 1993)
Twenty-six percent of pregnant teens reported being physically abused by their boyfriends – about half of them said the battering began or intensified after he learned of her pregnancy.
Brustin, S., Legal Response to Teen Dating Violence, Family Law Quarterly, vol. 29, no.2, 333-334 (Summer 1995) (citing Worcester, A More Hidden Crime: Adolescent Battered Women, The Network ../news, July / Aug., National women's Health Network 1993)
In the United States, researchers estimate the 40 percent to 70 percent of female murder victims were killed by their husbands or boyfriends, frequently in the context of an ongoing abusive relationship.
Bailey et al., 1997
Fifty-seven percent of homeless families identified domestic violence as a primary cause of homelessness.
The United States Conference of Mayors, A Status Report on Hunger and Homelessness in America's Cities: 1999, December 1999, p94.

Children

15.5 million children in the United States live in families in which partner violence occurred at least once in the past year. Seven million children live in families in which severe partner violence occurred.
Whitfield, CL, Anda RF, Dube SR, Felittle VJ. 2003. Violent Childhood Experiences and the Risk of Intimate Partner Violence in Adults: Assessment in a Large Health Maintenance Organization. Journal of Interpersonal Violence.
Boys who witness domestic violence in their own home are three times more likely to become batterers.
Straus, M.A., Gelles, R.J. & Steinmetz, S. Behind Closed Doors. Doubleday, Anchor, 1980.
In homes where partner abuse occurs, children are 1,500 times more likely to be abused.
Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Assistance, Family Violence: Interventions for the Justice System, 1993
Forty to sixty percent of men who abuse women also abuse children.
American Psychl. Ass'n, Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p. 80
Fathers who batter mothers are two times more likely to seek sole physical custody of their children than are nonviolent fathers.
American Psychl. Ass'n, Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p. 40

One in three teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner.
Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.
Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.
Thirteen percent of teenage girls who said they have been in a relationship report being physically hurt or hit.
Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.
One in Four teenage girls who have been in relationships reveal they have been pressured to perform oral sex or engage in intercourse.
Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.
More than 1 in 4 teenage girls in a relationship (26 percent) report enduring repeated verbal abuse.
Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.
Eighty percent of teens regard verbal abuse as a "serious issue" for their age group.
Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.
If trapped in an abusive relationship, 73 percent of teens said they would turn to a friend for help; but only 33 percent who have been in or known about an abusive relationship said they have told anyone about it.
Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.
Twenty-four percent of 14-to 17-year-olds know at least one student who has been the victim of dating violence, yet 81 percent of parents either believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don't know if it is an issue.
Survey commissioned by the Empower Program, sponsored by Liz Claiborne Inc. and conducted by Knowledge Networks, Social Control, Verbal Abuse, and Violence Among Teenagers, December 2000
Less than 25 percent of teens say they have discussed dating violence with their parents.
Liz Claiborne Inc. study of teens 13-17 conducted by Applied Research and Consulting LLC, Spring 2000
Eighty-nine percent of teens between the ages of 13 and 18 say they have been in dating relationships; forty percent of teenage girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
Children Now/Kaiser Permanente poll, December 1995
Nearly 80 percent of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser.
City of New York, Teen Relationship Abuse Fact Sheet, March 1998
Of the women between the ages 15-19 murdered each year, 30 percent are killed by their husband or boyfriend.
City of New York, Teen Relationship Abuse Fact Sheet, March 1998

In The Workplace

Domestic violence causes American employees to miss 175,000 workdays per year.
Abusive husbands harass 74 percent of employed battered women at work, either in person or over the telephone.
The costs of intimate partner violence against women exceed an estimated $8.3 billion. These costs include nearly $4.1 billion in direct costs of medical and mental health care and nearly $1.8 billion in the indirect costs of lost productivity.
Center for Disease Control, 2003

What to expect when you call

If you are a Georgia resident in need of assistance, call the 24-hour toll-free crisis line at 1.800.33.Haven (42836). If you are outside of Georgia, please call the national domestic violence crisis line at 800.621.HOPE (4673).

PADV’s Metro Atlanta Crisis Lines

404-873-1766 (Fulton Crisis Line)

770-963-9799 (Gwinnett Crisis Line)

Contact the Crisis Line at 800-621-HOPE (4673)