Why Is My Wife Always Mad at Me?

Why Is My Wife Always Mad at Me?


Why is my wife always mad at me? Is this a question you have and would like some help finding the possible right answers?

Here are some possibilities why your wife may be upset with you all the time:

1. She’s asked you, in order to keep your marriage alive, to take her out on a date once a week. Do you do it? Every week? Every once in a while? Rarely? Or has it been 13 months ago since your last date?

2. She’s told you about 15 movies over the last year she’d like to see and you’ve not taken her to see any of them. Nor have you rented any of the 15 she hinted to you about. Did you even take the time to write them down or engrave them on your brain?

3. She’s written down and given you 12 ideas of things the two of you can do together, once a month. Here it is April and you haven’t done any. You should have at least 3 deposited into your Love Account already.

4. She’s asked you many many times over the length of time you’ve been married to take a day off work together to spend time together, you know a day off work during the week not the ordinary weekend stuff you do, something more spontaneous. The last 4 times you’ve taken a day off work was to mow the lawn, take the car into the shop, clean things around the house, and play a round of golf with your buddies.

This is not rocket science guys! She verbally told you and even written it out for you in just the 4 examples I’ve mention and believe me, there are 100’s more but let’s keep it simple, shall we. In addition to verbally asking and writing it down for you, she’s probably screamed, yelled, and called you a few names too in an attempt to get you to cooperate. Maybe she’s even cried and been in a state of depression and that too hasn’t worked.

Then you have the audacity to call your wife and say you’re going out with the people at work to have a drink. Going out with the people at work isn’t what makes her mad, it’s the fact that you can make the time to do that but not make the time to take her on a date once a week (or even once in a while for Christ’s sake), or make the time to rent a movie and cook her a dinner every now and then.

Then you schedule a tee time with the guys, which doesn’t make her mad, it’s the fact you can’t schedule a day off of work to do something fun and enjoyable with her. There’s always some excuse as to why you can’t take off work to spend quality fun time with her, but never an excuse when you need to take care of the lawn or car or motorcycle, right?

So, you want to know why you wife stays made at you all the time. Ask yourself right now, what has my wife asked me to do that I haven’t done yet. Now you know the “why”! If you’re not taking action on the things she’s suggested for you to do to keep the passion in your marriage, then it’s time for you to figure out the “how”!

You guys complain that you don’t understand women. You can’t please your lady. You don’t know what makes her happy. The more you do that she’s asked, told, hinted for you to do to make her happy, the less she’ll be mad at you.

I know you guys aren’t that self-absorbed, are you? And you wonder why you feel like your wife thinks you’re stupid. Is it because you don’t have the self-confidence that you can do something right for her? To be her knight in shinning armor, DO the things she’s asked for! You’ll be her hero! Haven’t you always wanted to be a super hero? Well here’s your chance big guy! As Nike says…Just Do It!

27 Responses to Why Is My Wife Always Mad at Me?

  1. What if he doesn't do what I ask him to, but does other things instead?
    I can be very happy with that too…

  2. Rhonda,
    Thanks for pointing out this very important, but over looked factor in our lives today….Communication is the key for a strong and healthy relationship.

  3. The answer is so simple you have to wonder sometimes if men are brain dead.  Her needs are not being satisfied.  She gives.  You take.  She is not listened to or validated.  
    You're right when you say it's not rocket science.  Mothers have a enormous responsibility to train boys to become considerate men.  It might be better for the next generation then.

    • Haha, I love you Madonna! Yes, mothers do have a responsibility to train boy to become considerate men! Thanks for bringing that up too because it all starts there!

      • Hi Lisa and thanks for reading the article, comments, and leaving your own comment.

        I’d love it if you would be so kind and share your beliefs on the article and comments, as to why you feel it’s all disgusting. Just saying “This is a disgusting response” doesn’t provide any educational information!

        I personally see nothing disgusting with either of the comments as they both are oh so very true. AND as you well know, behavior is taught and learned so when a husband wants to know why his wife is always made at him…what would your response be?

  4. You’ve also let out what the woman is doing. I’ve been with my Wife for 7 years and I’ve always gone out of my way to try to make her happy, but she is always mad at me. You say

    1. I try to take her out once a week to once every two weeks, but you know what happens? She says all the restaurants have terrible food that she won’t eat, that all the movies are mindless drivel and it is too crowded, that the park is too dangerous and the mountains are too far. When i ask her for her input, she gets even madder.

    2. The only movies we watch are the ones she wants to watch because she doesn’t like horror or scifi.

    3. She says she would like to do something, so we do it and she still is angry. The last thing was a trip to six flags magic mountain. We both wanted to go, so i planned it out and…. nope, she decided against it. Because she’s too busy. Even though she doesn’t work or go to school. Too busy to have a nice day with me.

    4. I’ve taken full days off from work and they always go the same way: Wake up, talk about what we want to do, go to where ever, she freaks out so we come home, we end up watching TV, she disappears onto her computer for several hours, has a break down, i comfort her. She goes to sleep mad.

    So all the stuff you’ve said for guys to do, i’ve done and i keep trying but she is never satisfied. The same can be said for several of my friends in their marriages. I think it comes down to women not being satisfied with anything. The media and culture has projected the image of a disgruntled wife for so long women think it is normal and so even when everything is fine, they find a problem to be mad about.

    • Eli, thank you for reading my article and more importantly for your comment. It gives me great joy to read that you are doing all the right things! There are many husbands out there who do all the right things and there are others who don’t and this article was written for the latter.

      It saddens me your wife isn’t happy with anything, especially after all you do for her. Possibly she needs to discover what it is that keeps her from being a happy person and from having fun. From what you’ve written it sounds like it may not be anything you are doing or not doing.

      Keep up the good work you’re doing and see if the two of you can get to the root of the cause of her unhappiness.

      I’m here to help if you need me.

      • My wife is the same way, and I too go out of my way to satisfy her needs and try to bring passion. The problem is she always intentionally sabotages it.
        I can live with that and keep trying.
        But now what do I do that we have an 11 month old son that she yells at when he won’t eat a specific kind of baby food, or when he’s upset and crying and she loses patience after the first thing she tries. I’ve seen her shove his highchair, which has wheels on one side, in a fit because he wouldn’t eat by spoon and wanted to feed himself. Then when I offer to take over feeding him I get an earful in front of him and she storms off to our room locking me out, usually for the night.
        She is not over burdened because she is still on maturnity leave and I do almost all the house work. She doesn’t usually get up till 9am, and I can find her sitting in the exact same spot on the couch at anytime of the day.
        Not to mention I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve had sex since our son was born.
        You or your girlfriends got any helpful advice for this, or just some more girlpower dribble and empty consolance?

        • Thanks for stopping in and writing David!

          To be honest with you reading this just pisses me off in many ways.

          No child deserves to be yelled at because he/she doesn’t like the taste of a specific kind of baby food or when he/she is crying! Yelling doesn’t improve the situation it only worsens it. Yelling is not going to make the baby like the taste of food and yelling is not going to make a baby stop crying and will more than likely make the baby cry even more because it’s scared of the loud noises and the negative energy coming from the person that’s suppose to love and protect him/her.

          When you offer to take over feeding him, you get an earful because your wife is ashamed, upset, and embarrassed because she can’t satisfy the baby…it has nothing to do with you wanting to help, it’s coming from inside of her being angry at her own self.

          If she doesn’t stop this behavior, she’s could lose her son and also her husband!!!

          Suggested steps you can take:
          Ask her questions about her behavior as she acts out. Examples:
          How is that going to help?
          What are you teaching him?
          Is yelling working for you?

          Questions like these cause her to think about her behavior (cause and effect) in order to answer them, hoping in the result she sees what she is accountable for.

          And for you…you should not accept your wife’s behavior of being locked out of your own bedroom. Put a stop to it now or else you wife will continue to do it.

          For your wife…get help now!!! People treating their loved ones like she does is absolutely unacceptable.

  5. Well my wife is always mad at me when i say no to something ( anything) and when i dont go with her ways. i choose to do what she wants but even if i say 1 No on a million Yes still gets mad.

    She wants 5 things i say yes to the 4 and 1 No and she gets mad for the rest of the day. its all my fault etch etch.. she wasnt like that wen we started but she turned like that a year or so after.

    Im a person i dont like fighting and arguing with my wife or other ppl. and i always just say yes even if i dont like it. i wish she will change sometime soon.

    p.s: even if i start to talk about whats wrong etc.. most likely she will get mad. i tried a couple of times. everything my fault. well then :) take care all

    • Hi Joe and thanks for your comment!

      A marriage is the combination and merging of two different points of view. You have yours and your wife has hers.

      You are only capable of controlling your own actions and she is only capable of controlling her own actions. With that said, how do you move past the things she gets mad at? You understand this is her problem…she’s the one that is mad, not you. If she wants to repair HER problem, she needs to find a solution either together with you or on her own.

      Next time try asking her what does she feel is the correct solution and will make her happy. Of course she’s going to want you to say yes instead of no, and it’s up to you to stick with your no or not. She can’t have everything the way she wants it…as I said in the first sentence, a marriage is a merger of two different points of view.

      You are entitled to your yes’s and your no’s. She is entitled to work it out with you and understand your decision or be mad. Every issue can be resolved, it simply takes the two of you agreeing or agreeing to disagree.

      I encourage you to take advantage of my Marriage Breakthrough Session. It’s a 45 minute phone conversation where we get crystal clear vision on the kind of marriage you’d like to have and uncover the hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your marriage success. You can book your Marriage Breakthrough Session at http://www.timetrade.com/book/NVLRQ.

  6. Wouldn’t that be nice, I do everything that my wife asks or worst demands, what wonderful behavior that would spawn.

    Your article emphasizes the “she asks, she tells, she wants” of the relationship with no compromise. Basically, if I keep my wife happy with gifts and dates of her choosing, my life will improve – or her life will improve – or do you mean YOUR life will improve Mrs. Author? I’m getting the idea that this article may be a venting post for your marital frustrations. From one iFriend another, I would suggest treating him to a round of golf and or suggesting a weekend bike ride and see if he reciprocates. If he doesn’t do anything nice for you within two months, start nagging!

    Hope this helps. =-)

    • Hi Scott!
      Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment!

      The article is written to guys who want to know why their wife is always mad at them.

      It’s not written for guys on the search to find out how to get his wife to treat him to a round of golf or a weekend bike ride. That would be the articles written to the wives on how she can keep her man from leaving or how she can become the best wife possible. And that’s your wife’s responsibility to do.

      So let me ask you, you’re here on a marriage help site reading Why Is My Wife Always Mad at Me, and you want to talk about your needs such as golf and a bike ride? Maybe you just don’t get it!

      With that said, if you want to play golf or go for a weekend bike ride…go do it. You are the person in control of your life, don’t put that responsibility onto your wife!

      The nicer you are to your wife, the nicer she should be to you (if she knows how to provide you with your love language). If you learn to provide her with her love language, she will take you to places you never imagined.

      Providing each other kindness, love, joy, peace, happiness and fun is what will spawn wonderful behavior.

      One more thing…getting your wife to stop being made at you because of your behavior…will NOT help improve my life! :)

      Best of luck to you!

  7. Sorry Rhonda, but I’m going to have to side with some of the others. Modern society is pretty messed up, and lots of husbands have been emasculated by their wives. There are PLENTY of women who are constantly mad at their husbands for no good reason. They expect perfection. I know men who work hard all day, come home and help with dinner, help w/ the kids, help clean house, take care of all the yardwork, the garbage, pay the bills, listen to their wife talk for hours about whatever while giving back or foot rubs (unless they’re being ignored because a new episode of The Bachelor or Grey’s Anatomy is on, or because Facebook and Pinterest are WAY more important). However, the moment we turn on ESPN or ask if we can spend an evening with the guys, or anything she disapproves of, we’re accused of avoiding or being emotionally distant.

    Modern media portrays husbands as these spineless “accessories” who have no voice. We’re being taught that it’s okay for our women to control us, and we’re supposed to break our backs for every little “want” that she believes is a “need”… Many wives are simply never satisfied, no matter how much their husbands do. They will always focus on the one thing that didn’t get done, instead of all the things their husbands put their time and effort into for the SOLE purpose of attempting to make their woman happy. Marriage requires work from both the husband and the wife, who should both be focused on meeting each other’s needs. It saddens me that many modern marriages aren’t balanced, and the man simply can’t win because everything he does is “wrong” in his wife’s eyes, and therefore she begins acting like a spoiled teenage brat and refuses to even consider his needs.

    • A.C. I love what you’ve said! I appreciate you visiting and leaving this powerful comment.

      I’ve been in a one sided marriage (all his way) and the next one was all my way (because no one was going to tell me who my friends were and what I could or couldn’t do ever again) which of course didn’t work either!

      What you have written is SO very true in many marriages and that’s why in all of my teachings, speakings, programs…I teach both husband and wife to NOT let go of who they are and what makes them happy in life. Both the husband and wife need to enjoy life (and stay true to their own values) while at the same time enjoying each other and the loving things they can do FOR each other. In addition, I feel a spouse can put forth 80% of good while the other spouse is going to focus on the 20% of the bad…which is NOT how it’s supposed to be. The 80% of the good being done MUST be acknowledged and appreciated by both parties in the marriage, which unfortunately isn’t the case in some…and that’s why I’m here :).

      It’s my goal to help bring marriages together with the importance of what both the husband and wife secretly long for…love, happiness, joy, fulfillment of a fun connected marriage along with appreciation and acknowledgement.

      Most of my article seem one sided because I do address most articles to either just the husband or just the wife. Some of the most liked articles I’ve written are “The Worthless Husband You’ve Created” and “The Worthless Wife You’ve Created”. :)

      Again, R.C., I appreciate your informative comments and I TOTALLY agree with you and I greatly appreciate your support!

      Big Hugs,

  8. So, yes, I agree w/ all the other commenters about trying everything and their wives still being angry. My concern is how my wife shows her anger. When I get angry, I just tell my wife i’m angry. For example, “It makes me mad when you don’t call if you’re going to be late.” She says sorry, and I’m no longer angry.

    However, when my wife gets mad, she usually stops talking to me for a couple of days. And it’s often a sudden shift from happy to mad. So, like any stereotypical husband, I ask, “Why are you so mad?” and like any stereotypical wife, she replies, “You really don’t know what you did?!” And then she won’t let me speak to her.

    “Just tell me why you’re mad. What did I do?”
    “Don’t talk to me. Go away.”

    I’m really quick to forgive and forget. I’ve never NOT spoken to someone, and this behavior makes no sense to me. One time she gave me the silent treatment because I “didn’t communicate my plans to her” The silent treatment for not talking to her? Do you get the irony?

    I usually blame it on hormones, or lack of sleep or something because it’s just too frustrating to try to figure out why she treats me this way. I’m beginning to suspect that she gets angry at me to gain some sort of power in the relationship. Which makes sense, because when she’s mad i grovel at her feet and do every stupid thing imaginable to get her just to talk to me again. I reinforce her behavior.

    It’s gotten to the point where when she’s not speaking to me, i’m figuratively paralyzed. I can’t sleep, I can’t focus on work, all I can think about is her being mad at me. It stresses me out so much, i sometimes shake with fear.

    When she’s not mad at me, i’m the happiest guy on earth. But when she’s mad, i’m not a functioning human being. I BEG her to forgive me, i cry, I buy her presents, and i make promises i can’t keep.

    And after she forgives me, since i’m so worried about her getting mad, she rules over me. I’ll do whatever she asks of me as long as she won’t get mad.

    This is my first marriage, but i have to ask – is this normal? Do a lot of women stop talking? and more importantly, how do men deal with it?

    • Hi Tyler and thanks for your comment!
      I did have to laugh at the irony of the silent treatment for not communicating your plans. It’s not funny in reality though.

      I’m very concerned about this relationship for the following unhealthy issues I see happening:

      *Poor communication such as silent treatment, words such as “don’t talk to me and go away”. Wife won’t express what the problem is and how she’s like to see it resolved.

      *Blaming the behavior on hormones.

      *Reinforcing and enabling poor behavior.

      *Stressing to an unhealthy level.

      *Power struggle.

      *Making promises that can’t be kept.

      Is this normal, yes and no. Yes, it’s common behavior for those who haven’t let discovered how to be comfortable with themselves in order to express their needs or haven’t yet discovered how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner or don’t know how to communicate in positive ways. No, it’s not normal for this to happen in a strong and healthy marriage.

      I’d so love to see if and how I can help you and your wife get on the right track before this marriage falls apart. If you’re ready to take action and put a stop to this behavior go to http://marriagebyredesign.com/reigniteapplication and fill out the form. This isn’t about taking a big chance, it’s about giving yourself a big chance.

  9. I think that your article explaining “why my wife is always mad at me” is a great article if the problem is a Neanderthal guy, who is insecure and views negative feedback as threatening.

    I think that your article is a good example of how culturally biased we are against men. If somehow there is a problem in the emotional intimacy of the marriage, it must be the man’s fault!

    It’s interesting to listen to women talk amongst themselves and how they rarely have anything nice to say about other women, other couples or their husbands. You see what you want to see in other (your spouse). If your spouse is the greatest person in the world, but you refuse to see it, well then, you won’t!

    I think that some people, both male and female, just go through life in a perpetual state of agitation. I think that they do it for many reasons, but it is largely the way they have learned to navigate life, for good or bad.

    My wife is one of those persons. I used to think that it was just me. But as the children showed up, she would be disappointed with them too, and as I look back on things, I realized that she is always mad at her siblings, nieces and nephews, children, co-workers… etc.. .

    However, she is a master at managing her public image and the only people who really know her to be mean and nasty, are those close to her. There is a German phrase that describes her very accurately “she is a street angel and a house devil”.

    So why am I writing this response? I think that your article is unfair to men. The first and most simple explanation or critique, is that you are projecting your own relationship issues into this article.

    The second and perhaps more complex critique of your article is that it assumes that if there is a problem in the marriage, it must be the man’s fault. I think that it is really dangerous to promote this idea. It perpetuates a dynamic where based upon expectations, marriages will fail, unless of course, the man is happy being a door mat and has no self-esteem or dignity. You promote the idea (in this article) that women are more emotionally sophisticated than men and that we (men) are self-absorbed and clueless. And with the guiding insight of a woman, we can see the error of our ways! I think you are using a pretty broad brush for behavior that can have many different causes.

    But thank you for at least creating a dialogue and giving some voice to this issue.

    • David,

      THANK YOU!

      I appreciate EVERYTHING you wrote.

      I can say this…I don’t believe if there are intimacy issues it’s always the man’s fault. I’ve dealt with many couples where the wife is the aggressor and the mean one.

      I also agree with you that many just “go through” life. It’s my goal to help people to discover their happiness is so important and if they aren’t happy then make the choice to change what you can change. My motto is “A bad marriage is a waste of a good life” and I firmly believe that.

      Your wife sounds like my husband…always finding something or someone to be mad at…and finding the bad in everyone. This usually stems from unhealed childhood wounds.

      I appreciate and welcome your critique of this article and trust me, I DON’T believe the problems in a marriage are always the man’s fault. It can go either way.

  10. I had an epiphany a few months ago about how to have a happy marriage.
    Men, you must act like a boyfriend in the marriage. Women, act like you did when you were dating.

    Men and women, You need to have the attitude that “It is a privilige to me in my life”. Once you or I stop acting that way, be prepared to leave and let your spouse know that you are done. If they change back, great, it not, you haven’t really lost anything. Never give up your power in a relationship. Once you do, be prepared to get treated like a doormat.

    • David, I couldn’t agree with you more! I have an article on my blog about “never stop dating” because that’s what it takes to keep the passion and relationship going.

      THANK YOU for your fabulous comments and sharing them with others!

  11. Hi, I have been married for 15 years. In all this time, I have never tried to bother my wife. I do all I can for myself so she can never say I am needy and can’t do for myself. She, on the other hand, seems to need me to do several things for her which I do with no problem. Throughout the 15 years, I was doing the majority of the house work, getting up with the kids at night, baby sitting the kids, and the manly duties (cutting grass, painting, repairs, etc.) I don’t go out with the guys, I don’t drink or smoke. I am home every evening after work and on weekends. I have given up hunting, fishing, motorcycle riding just to try to keep her -not angry. I have totally given up my own life trying to survive her wrath. Oh, did I mention she makes three times more money than I do? I don’t know if that matters. She seems to want to control everything. Just like one of the previous comments, when she gets angry, we go through the silent treatment. We have gone three months with out speaking a word to each other. I keep telling her that this is precious time that we can never get back. Every year, I keep a calendar with the times we made love. Last year, (2013) it was only 29 times out of 365 days. The year before that, it was 28. The first year we got married, it was pretty high. My point is that the number is always declining. One of my major problems is that she is always mad. “I can say the clouds are white today;” and she will find one word out of the sentence to start an argument. If she doesn’t do it today, she will wait a week and bring it up. By then I would have forgotten what I even said! I know I am all over the place with my topics, but I have so much to say and right now, I can’t put the thoughts in order. All I know is that I try and try but nothing I do seems to be right. I don’t touch her in bed because she always says “no.” But then she complains to her friends that I don’t touch her. Even a broken horse gets tired of being beaten. When we argue, she is a fast thinker and talker. She likes to over talk me and never listen to what I have to say. The only way I can get my point across to her is to write it down in a letter. that way she can’t interrupt me. Whether it sinks in or not, I don’t know. I love my wife. I don’t want a divorce. I know I won’t survive if we get a divorce. I am at my wits end. There is so much more I want to say. I just don’t want to use up too much space. There has to be somebody that can listen to the men’s side and help us. There are so many man bashers and so many people to help women. We are left to suffer because society thinks we are always strong and have no feelings…

    • Thanks L Williams for your comment. My heart is filled with sadness right now because I know exactly what you are saying and I know exactly how you are feeling. The best suggestion I can give you is to take a stance for you and your happiness. Once she realizes that she can’t “run all over you” and “control everything you do” she won’t know how to handle it. Right now she’s got everything “her” way and she likes it like that!

      I suggest you start hunting, fishing, and riding your motorcycle again because that’s what makes YOU happy and it’s YOUR place to make sure you enjoy YOUR life.

      The next time she tried to interrupt you while you’re talking, tell her to wait her turn and that you’re not finished. She does what you allow her to do! Put a stop to it! Don’t let her treat you like this.

      TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK…She won’t know how to handle it if she thinks she’s loosing the one thing she has so much control over!!!


  12. So, what I’m hearing is… She’s mad because he’s too ignorant to do exactly what she wants, when she wants. Hmmm interesting philosophy.

    • She’s mad not because he doesn’t do exactly what she wants…she’s made because he doesn’t do enough of what she needs.

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