I received an email this morning about a woman who set herself a goal to find 100 happily married couples that have been married for 10 years or longer. She allowed herself 6 months to complete her task. It took her 2 years to find 100 couples that have been happily married for 10 years or longer! What? 2 years to find 100 happily married couples? We have a problem in marriages, wouldn’t you agree?
We all want to be loved, don’t we? Every man and woman sets out to find love as early as their teen years. It’s inevitable! We all want to find love and be loved. Then when we do, we screw it all up. Yep, we screw it all up! We find everything wrong with our spouse that we can find. What? Is this why we get married? To figure out all of the imperfections that our spouse has? Come on! Give me a freakin break, that’s not what marriage is all about but that’s what we do! Stats show that there were over 1 million divorces in 2008, and over 2 million marriages in 2009. If the economic recession hadn’t hit, I would only imagine that there would have been over 1 million divorces in 2010. (Economic recession caused a 40% drop in divorces in 2009 and that’s another story…unhappily married.)
What is wrong with us? We look for love then we do everything we can to throw it all away.
I’ll tell you what is wrong with us:
Ladies, we have no problem telling our husband everything that is wrong with them (husbands I’ll address you tomorrow). Do any of these sound familiar?
- You can’t make good choices. You only live in the moment without thinking about my feelings.
- You know nothing about me.
- You can’t even load a dishwasher.
- You don’t act like you have God in your heart.
- Can you not drive without getting angry at someone?
- Every time you drive you lose all of your manners.
- Do you have to leave your wet towel on the bed?
- Do you really have to get mad because the traffic light is red and not green?
- You’re so lame. All you want to do is sit around and watch TV?
- Do you really need another beer?
- You work too much.
- You never work. You’re just a bum.
- You never play with the kids.
- You never take me out on a date any more.
- Why can’t you give me a real kiss like you mean it?
- All you think about is sex. Can’t you love me for anything else?
- You never want sex. Don’t you love me?
- You’re so stupid.
- You are the laziest person I know.
- Why are you even talking to her?
- If you cared about me as much as you do hunting and fishing we’d be better off.
- Are you ever going to fix that …?
- Can you get off your butt and help me clean?
- Can you help out with the errands once in a while?
- You do things to help everyone else, why can’t you help me?
- Our marriage stinks and you think everything is just fine. What world do you live in?
- You spend money on the stupidest things.
- Will you grow some balls and just make a decision?
- Stop saying “Whatever you want dear” and make a decision.
- What happened to the man that couldn’t keep his eyes off of me?
- What happened to the man that used to ask me out all the time?
Any of these sound familiar? How many of these have you said before? Do you think saying these things are productive in your marriage? Do you think they make your husband feel loved and appreciated? Do you think they are destructive?
Let’s get real! Are there really any benefits to saying things like these to your husband? You may think there are and you may think that you're teaching him how to have a better life, but really, he hears how worthless he is. He hears you don’t love him the way he is. He hears that you don’t respect the things he does do. Then he decides why should I do anything because she’s just going to complain about it any way! Is he right?
Let me ask you this…what’s the cost to your marriage if you keep saying these things? Are you willing to change your thoughts and actions? Can you start focusing on the positive things your husband does and start praising him for them? What do you think will happen when you do?
I say it all the time, you can't change your spouse's actions, you must change your own!
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