The Worthless Wife You’ve Created

Well, as promised in my blog post The Worthless Husband You’ve Created, this is The Worthless Wife You’ve Created.

 
My intent of these two posts is to make you aware of the things you do that are harmful to your marriage.
 
Man with question mark 150x150 The Worthless Wife Youve Created 
 
We all want to be loved, don’t we?  Every man and woman sets out to find love as early as their teen years.  It’s inevitable!  We all want to find love and be loved. We find someone special, get married, and things change!
 
Husbands, have you ever done these things?
 
  • Do you blame your wife when things go wrong?
  • Do you call your wife ugly names?
  • Have you told your wife she’s fat?
  • Do you think housework is beneath your dignity?
  • Do you sigh when your wife asks you to do something?
  • Do you immediately say no when your wife asks you to do something without taking any time to think about her question?
  • Do you roll your eyes when your wife asks you a question?
  • Do you stomp your feet in front of your wife because your angry?
  • Have you ever thrown anything in front of your wife and children?
  • Do you stare at other women when you’re out with your wife?
  • Do you question your wife where all the money goes?
  • Do you brush off your wife’s complaints about your relationship on her PMS?
  • Do you talk about beautiful women on TV in front of your wife?
  • Have you ever complained about her cooking?
  • Do you tell your wife she doesn’t do something as good as your mother did?
  • Have you ever told your wife she nags too much?
  • Have you ever told her she’s too sensitive?
  • Have you ever complained about not having anything to eat in your house?
  • Have you ever told her she’s a terrible mother?
  • Have you expressed to your wife that she could never do the type of work you do?
  • Ever told her she talks too much?
  • Ever told her she’s so silly in an irritated manor?
  • Have you ever blamed your wife because you missed your road while you were driving?
  • Have you ever gotten mad at your wife because she’s telling you the road you need to turn on is coming up?
  • Ever said “Are you really wearing that”?
 
Do you know what saying these things and doing these things does to your wife? You are making her feel she’s not good enough for you, you’re making her feel she’s not pretty enough, she’s not capable, she’s not smart, she’s not fun to be around, you’re saying to her that her opinion isn’t needed, her help isn’t appreciated, she’s annoying, you don’t want to be around her, she’s a bother to you.  You’re saying you don’t care about her feelings; you don’t care if she’s happy or if she’s miserable, you’re saying you could care less about her!
 
Do you believe that if you give your wife what makes her happy, then you are weak?
 
I ask you seriously men, do you not realize what you have done to the women of this world? Do you not recognized the cruel and distasteful acts you’ve committed? Do you realize you have destroyed the very beauty that your wife once had?
 
Do you know that with each one of these statements and/or actions your wife hates herself more and more? Do you realize she gets farther and farther away from beautiful, the beautiful woman that you fell in love with and married?
 
I believe that men, who disrespect, devalue, belittle, ridicule, and make fun of their wife, simply have not learned how to please their wife. It is this type of man who has not experienced the glow of a radiant wife, but would rather compete with her.
 
Now you may be the man reading this that is saying to yourself, I don’t treat my wife like that, I’ve never said those things to her, and I say good for you and keep it up! My question to you is “are you doing the things it does take to make your wife feel beautiful? Are you giving her what she needs to make her feel loved? I’ll tell you right now, supporting her financially and keeping the lawn mowed doesn’t make her feel loved. It is something she appreciates, I’m sure, but it’s not something that makes her feel loved and desired. It’s when you are able to recognize how to do this, will your marriage be fun and joyful for the both of you.
 
Let me ask you this…what’s the cost to your marriage if you keep saying and doing these things? Are you willing to change your thoughts and actions?  Can you start focusing on the positive things your wife does and start complimenting her for them?  What do you think will happen when you do?

I say it all the time, you can't change your spouse's actions, you must change your own!

I ask you to forward this to every man you know. I pray that if you are a man and you do these things to your wife, you will check your own heart and your own self confidence. I pray that you will discover your wife wants nothing more than to make you happy!
 
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If you find that you need some help encouraging your wife or breaking this destructive behavior, you’ll want to check out the Your Vivacious Marriage Home Study eCourse.

14 Responses to The Worthless Wife You’ve Created

  1. Charlez says:

    This is how the Bible prefers you treat your wife, according to the New Testament:

    1 Corinthians 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.
    14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
    ————
    1 Timothy 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
    2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
    2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
    2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
    2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
    ———–
    Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
    5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
    5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

    • Rhonda Neely says:

      Hi Charlez! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment with some great information!

      “The Worthless Wife You’ve Created” is an article for YOU to evaluate yourself as a husband. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 says your woman is to not ask questions in the churches, let them ask their husband at home…isn’t this about your wife’s behavior and not about your behavior?

      The scriptures from Timothy you listed is all great, and again, I ask you, isn’t this information about how your woman should act and nothing about how you should act?

      Ephesians 5:22-24 I just love because it tells wives how to treat their husband and that THE HUSBAND IS HIS WIFE’S SAVIOR, and to wives their husband is everything.

      Let’s take a look at some scripture that actually tells how the husband is to treat his wife, instead of how a wife is suppose to act, shall we? (Back to the matter of the Article.)

      Colossians 3:19 ~ Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

      1 Peter 3:7 ~ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

      Ephesians 5:25-30 ~ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body.

      What are some noble actions you do that lets your wife know how worthy she is?

  2. Charlez says:

    I, personally, honor my wife by not treating her as a weaker partner. But that’s not a Christian stance to take.

    • Rhonda Neely says:

      I believe that if you are honoring your wife, you are showing love in a Christian manner! You are correct that the wife is the weaker partner though. I hope you have a great week Charlez!

    • Rhonda Neely says:

      Charlez, thank you for stopping by. Leaving your comments are very much appreciated.

  3. ryan says:

    Great post.. I needed this

    • Rhonda Neely says:

      Thanks Ryan and I’m glad you find it helpful. The way you treat your wife (from her point of view) will result in the way she will react and interact with you. You may want to follow the blog for more tips and suggestions when they get posted.

  4. Tony says:

    Never told my ex-wife those things.  But I sure did hear many of them from her.

    Do you blame your wife when things go wrong?    — Yes, she blamed me that she wasn't happy, and it was my fault she had to have an affair.

    Do you call your wife ugly names?  —  Yes, she told me that I was worthless as a husband.

    Have you told your wife she’s fat?  —  I never told her she was fat.  Funny how she didn't feel the need to use the exercise equipment and gym membership she begged me to buy until she was having her affair.

    Do you think housework is beneath your dignity?  —  Not at all, once she left, and stopped leaving stuff lying all around, I cleaned house.  In fact, I filled a 20 yard dumpster with junk she left in the basement.  I got tired of picking up after her, so I gave up.  Once she left, I could finally catch up with the mess.

    Do you sigh when your wife asks you to do something?  — Don't we all sigh at times.  If this was a habit, I could see it being a problem.  I probably heard as many as I gave, if not more.

    Do you immediately say no when your wife asks you to do something without taking any time to think about her question?  — I heard no a lot.  Mostly in the bedroom.

    Do you roll your eyes when your wife asks you a question?  — Yes, she rolled her eyes at me quite a bit.  See above.

    Do you stomp your feet in front of your wife because your angry?  — I got many doors slammed in my face, does that count?

    Have you ever thrown anything in front of your wife and children?  — Door slammed in my face, does that count?

    Do you stare at other women when you’re out with your wife?  — No, but once she got her divorce, it was game-on!

    Do you question your wife where all the money goes?  — Of course I did.  She spent more than we made.  It's amazing how once she got the divorce I wanted, I could pay off all the debts, and increase my 401(k) contributions while paying a pretty hefty child support.  So of course I questioned it when we were married.  If you agree to live on a budget and then don't keep your word, expect to be questioned.  If you are spending more than we make, then it's not unreasonable to have to account to your spouse where you are spending your families money.  It's not just his money or her money, it's the couples money.  Accountablity  is key.

    Do you brush off your wife’s complaints about your relationship on her PMS?  —  What complaints?  She never even said she wasn't happy until she was fully involved in her affair.

    Do you talk about beautiful women on TV in front of your wife?  —  No, but I did hear how hunky so and so was.

    Have you ever complained about her cooking?  —  What cooking, she would order out.  Now if I cooked, she would complain about it. 

    Do you tell your wife she doesn’t do something as good as your mother did? — Nope.

    Have you ever told your wife she nags too much?  — Nope, but I was told I was too critical, or too angry or too controlling.  Well wouldn't you be angry if your wife was having an affair?  Apparently that's too much anger.

    Have you ever told her she’s too sensitive?  — Nope, but again, I was told I was too sensitive.  That I should just let things like the affair slide.  Really?

    Have you ever complained about not having anything to eat in your house?  — Yeah, but she did have a closet full of clothes and the kids had piles of toys. 

    Have you ever told her she’s a terrible mother?  — No, but I did mention that her affair was probably not good for the kids.  I was told I was a horrible father.

    Have you expressed to your wife that she could never do the type of work you do?  — Nope.

    Ever told her she talks too much? — Nope, in fact, I couldn't get her to talk.  I asked her to set aside one hour a day for just us to have alone.  She couldn't even be bothered to do that.

    Ever told her she’s so silly in an irritated manor?  — No.

    Have you ever blamed your wife because you missed your road while you were driving?  There was that one time where she was telling me where to go and I drove into a curb.  I mean doesn't she trust me to navigate a parking lot that I've been in over 100 times?  She wouldn't drive, but she wants to tell me how to drive???

    Have you ever gotten mad at your wife because she’s telling you the road you need to turn on is coming up?  — Nope, she never left our town until she was having her affair. Then all the sudden, she could drive places she never felt comfortable driving when I was her husband.

    Ever said “Are you really wearing that”?  — No, but I heard it many times.

    So perhaps these are not gender related problems, but character problems.  After all, I certain there are husbands out there, even those whose wives did not betray them,  who can find their wives behaviors on this list.

    • Rhonda Neely says:

      Good for you Tony for never telling your ex wife those things! Calling her names probably wasn’t healthy for your marriage though.

      These are absolutely character, value, and moral related problems rather than gender related. It doesn’t matter if it’s a male or female, having an affair, and saying the ugly things listed in this list, are wrong, hateful, and selfish!!!

      I’m curious, what do you think went wrong in your marriage?

  5. eca says:

    I have a question… what if, you were a very passive, brush all of the verbal and mental abuse your husband threw at you… Kept praying and treating him properly, filled him with love, affection, have become not just a housewife, a mother, maid, cook, household administrator, and always more than happy to bend over for him. Kept warning him that if he didn’t stop saying mean things it was going to become a major problem. Tried to reason with him, for 5 long years until now you start treating him the same way he treats you and because you don’t like that you want to leave your marriage because even after almost 6 years you can’t just do what everyone tells you to do “Get used to his bs” and you don’t know what else to do because he doesn’t accept going to see a counselor?

    • Rhonda Neely says:

      Hi sweetness!
      1. Stop becoming him. That’s not the true loving you! (It is natural to do this though, but you must stop before you become filled with anger and hate)
      2. Understand there is something going on within him that has created him to be filled with hate and anger. This is HIS stuff, and he needs to get help!
      3. Since he won’t seek help and won’t stop abusing you, love YOURSELF enough to know you’re not going to be treated this way and dump his ass.

      I had to leave my second husband because of his abuse. He actually went to prison for trying to kill me. I don’t want this to happen to you!

      Hugs,
      Rhonda

  6. eca says:

    He has not gotten physical with me. I have 5 children, 3 from first husband… 2 with new husband. the other day my eldest, 14 years old, asked me why has her dad changed so much? I told her I didn’t know… But looking at how his mother is, she’s cold, rude, always right, she rather die than ever admit she’s wrong-not exaggerating here- controlling, manipulating, I guess I can’t say I don’t know where he gets it from. When we first dated he was more passive like his father. Very attentive, courteous, kind, loving, and treated my kids with all the love possible. He was literally the perfect man, he wasn’t scared to show his feelings and I fell head over heels for him. It didn’t happen over night because I had just finally gone to court and finished my divorce so I was happy being single. He just wouldn’t give up though. He was always trying to get my attention somehow, by either being a clown, or being a kind person, it was the sweetest most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me…Of course after a couple of months I gave in and accepted a date. We dated for 7 months before moving in together. I couldn’t help it. His family was perfect, he his sister and brothers showed love and friendship and unity it was amazing. His parents were PERFECT! His mother was the mother I honestly never had. (My mom and I never got along…until I was a grown up I realized why-long story) But this woman was the greatest gift on earth for me. She loved my kids and loved me so much she made me feel like she was my mom… I couldn’t pass it up at all to finally be part of a family without judgement, with unity and togetherness WOW! I was in paradise! My kids loved his family. How could I not accept. My inlaws persuaded me to move in with them until we had enough money to get on our own two feet, we were living the dream, a helpful family and all the love and support we could possible ask for, the greatest inlaws and grandparents anyone could ever wish for and the perfect man…BUT unfortunately that was very short lived and 6 months later I was getting kicked out in the street… sigh… I went through humiliation during those 6 months things children shouldn’t see or live to see especially their mother go through… It was devastating… And the worst part is that my inlaw said she was treating me this way because of her son.. ??? REALLY??? :( I even got slapped because he pissed her off???! WHAT?! yeah… I wanted to leave him, and forget everything just forget it but he was not a bad man and hard working and still treated my kids and I good, so it wasn’t his fault his mother was psychotic!!! OR was it?! He knew how his mother was… His father knew how his wife was-but he is BLIND! But my husband to sugar coat things like his and allow me to continue being abused?! I kept getting abused even after I moved out and got our own place until his sister snapped at her stepmother and defended me. Now his father nor mother talk to my husband’s sister, they call her names and say she’s crazy for insulting the queen bee when that woman deserved everything my sis inlaw said to her. Sorry but she did. My sis inlaw doesn’t deserve to be treated that way and I thank her every day for sticking up for me even though it has cost her the love of her father. :( Anyhow, two years after we moved out of his parents place and into our own, he suffered a car accident. Then all went to hell. He spent over 2 years unemployed and started treating me like I owed him everything. I worked 2 jobs and took care of my kids, and home while he was “paralyzed.” After 2 years I was done and ready to move on he realized this started trying to bring home some money. I was over worked and stressed, and he “started” helping me around the house. He always cooked, loved to so who was I to fight over the kitchen I left him do what he wanted. But the household chores became too much for him and thousands of dollars worth of clothes that he never took care of were thrown out after a big storm hit and the sumppump in the basement failed…It was devastating-insurance didn’t cover that loss and neither did the landlord. So I was done, I wanted a break I never got it. HE got a job and I lost one of mine, I got sick, became 2x times the size I was before-FAT- and had to have surgery, then he got worried about me and was afraid to lose me, started treating me well we got married a year later, and welcomed our now 2 year old. I was on bcp and nursing and 5 months later expected our now 1 year old. Things just went downhill even faster than before. After our 2 year old was born, I lost so much weight he started wanting me. When I got prego with our now 1 year old I blew up again and haven’t been able to lose the weight at all, even with diet, and exercise, nothing, for 6 months straight I would do intensive training for 90 minutes a day 6x a week with a 1500 calorie diet… lost 10 lbs… that was it. He started calling me names even more than ever, calling me lame, plain, the b word, more things I would never even imagine he would ever say to me. Last night after “making love” he calls me a which and that I have a which nose! WHAT? And so that I don’t say anything to him he ended it with “STFU”… Really? No apology nothing. After only a few hours of sleep I am up taking care of kids he’s asleep. To him what I do is nothing. 5 kids is nothing because I have 3 of them that are old enough to feed themselves. So technically I only care for 2 of them. I clean the house at leasd 5x a day on a day when my 3 oldest help clean up and keep the house clean. Chasing 2 walking babies in an overly cluttered house is not easy and extremely exhausting. Our 1 year old is the size of a 2 year old and eats constantly, like a newborn every few hours including at night but he’s growing consistently so it’s normal… But I am tired. A week ago my 14 year old tells me “Momma why don’t you dress nicely? I see big ladies like you all the time in the store and they might be wearing jeans and a sweater but their hair is nice and they are wearing makeup and they look great! See you don’t have to over dress to look great!” I wanted to cry. Everything I have tried to make my husband look at me has failed. Everything from sexy clothes to high heels to make up to losing weight to dancing to whatever possible. NOTHING… Instead I get called fat, lazy, ugly and a horrible wife. A few minutes ago I went to change baby and give his bottle, he tells me “GO make me breakfast make yourself useful do something for once!” SIGH… I don’t have any place to go. I don’t have money, and he won’t leave. I don’t know what to do. I ask him for a break, that we need time away from each other, he has friends, and family here I have no one but him. He tells me to leave. He says it’s his house even though he bought it for me as a wedding gift, but he takes it back. I honestly don’t know what to do. And where I live if you call for help child services gets involved, I don’t want my babies taken from me because of him…I am depressed and taking supplements to help me, he doesn’t care nor does he want to hear about the damage he does to me when he says all I do is sit in front of the tv or computer all day because I am a stay at home mom. I wanted to nap right now but I feel I should try and find some one to talk to..Sorry I threw this on you but if I mention this to my family or anyone else that knows me, I get judged horribly for being a lame weak woman…Thanks for hearing me out. I am just exhausted.

    • Rhonda Neely says:

      People who hurt others are hurting themself!

      You may want to try to compliment your husband every time you notice him doing something you consider to be right or great. Let him know how much you appreciate him and all that he does.

      I know this can be hard to do with someone who is angry and not playing nice with you, however, what he is doing is simply wanting to hurt you. YOU don’t let this happen. You need to recognize your greatness and OWN IT. Whatever your husband says about you, only you know if it is true or not, and only you can allow to accept in your mind if what he has said is true or is not true. You don’t need to prove or justify to him anything, you only need to acknowledge and validate in your mind and belief system.

      Love yourself, make youself feel pretty, know that you are worthy, know that your children need you to be the best mom they can have.

      Your husband needs help to get over his anger.

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